What Will Doom Your Relationship – Advice From The What Successful People Know Success Summit

In the first day of New Year’s Edition of the What Successful People Know Success Summit, relationship coach Owen Williams set out a new paradigm for relationships.

Some of the more fascinating pointers (at least to me) were the three things that he said will doom a relationship. The first is about compromise. Although conventional wisdom is that we should do this, Owen said it’s a no-no, because neither person gets what they want when couples compromise. The second was as he said, a little bit of a no-brainer, that lying dooms relationships. We lie because we don’t want to suffer the consequences of telling the truth (our partner’s disappointment, their anger, or fill in the blanks). In telling our little white lies, we undermine the foundation of our relationship. And the last thing that will doom a relationship is operating without a vision for it. A way of rectifying this is by starting the New Year revisiting your current relationship vision and updating it or tweaking it if the partners feel that’s needed.

Other experts presenting during the summit include: home schooling Mom and entrepreneur Michelle Shaeffer (Tuesday), business coach Chris Makell (Wednesday), Fortune 50 HR Professional Joy Moore (Thursday) and I on Friday. All calls are available for 24 hours after the call, but you must register first at http://whatsuccessfulpeopleknow.com

If you want to invest in yourself and your success library, you can get the MP3 recordings and transcripts of all five presentations, plus over $500 in FREE bonuses (including a half hour career consultation with Joy Moore) click here

Success Tip – Stephen Covey On Setting Priorities

Success television features a short (less than a minute) clip of success guru Stephen Covey’s thoughts about setting priorities. He outlines the difference between important and urgent.

Remember, just because it’s urgent for someone else DOESN’T mean that it has to be urgent for you. As the saying goes, someone else’s lack of planning doesn’t mean that it should be an emergency for you!

For more tips on time management, join us for the FREE New Year’s edition of the What Successful People Know Success Summit, being held Jan. 10-14.

Share and Enjoy:
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • LinkedIn
  • Add to favorites
  • email
  • Print
  • PDF
  • Technorati
  • Digg
  • Google Buzz
  • del.icio.us
  • Google Bookmarks
  • StumbleUpon

Success Tip – Overcoming Procrastination By Planning, Fifth of Ten Articles

It was Benjamin Franklin who said, “By failing to prepare you are preparing to fail.” How do you plan your work? And if you don’t plan, how do you know if you’re reaching your goals? Here’s how to find out.

Make a list of everything you’ve been putting off at work. Not just the big things, but all the little things, too. Make another list of everything you’ve been putting off at home-large tasks and small ones. If you can’t think of anything right away, walk around the house. Walk through the yard.

Make another list of things you’ve neglected to do regarding your personal relationships. This could include letters, emails, phone calls, visits, family trips, and vacations. Then make a list of all the things you’ve put off doing for yourself: taking a class, starting exercising, or eliminating a bad habit.

Don’t worry about prioritizing your lists. Get the juices flowing by writing down everything that comes into your head. Wondering why I asked you to do this? First, you’ve probably been putting off more things than you realize. The first step in overcoming anything is realizing that it’s a problem and this includes procrastination. Procrastinators can go to ridiculous extremes to explain their inability to take action.

Second, I asked you to do this exercise to underscore the importance of getting started. A failure to act breeds doubt, which in turn eats away at your self-confidence and your diminished self-confidence increases your indecision. The result? Paralysis, which keeps the vicious circle of inactivity alive.

After recognizing that procrastination is a problem, focus on one thing you’ve been postponing. Take some action in that area, you might want to begin with something small to get the ball rolling.

Finally, remember the Pareto principle, which states that 20 per cent of our activities delivers 80 per cent of our desired results. For every task you’re about to start, ask yourself if the work needs to be done at all. Learn the difference between busyness and productivity. Just because you’re busy doesn’t mean that you’re being productive.

To learn more success tips, join us for the FREE virtual success summit, What Successful People Know. To register, learn more, visit: http://whatsuccessfulpeopleknow.com

Happy Planning!!!!

Share and Enjoy:
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • LinkedIn
  • Add to favorites
  • email
  • Print
  • PDF
  • Technorati
  • Digg
  • Google Buzz
  • del.icio.us
  • Google Bookmarks
  • StumbleUpon

Success Tip – How Conquering Procrastination Can Help You Reduce Stress, Fourth of Ten Articles

Simply put, procrastination causes stress. Throughout history, great thinkers have noted the connection between a failure to take action and the feeling of anxiety. The American philosopher William James once said, “Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task.”

If you continually put off tasks you fear; if you tend to avoid situations and events that terrify you, then your fears have grown out of proportion. Every time you decide not to do something because you’re afraid of failing, your self-confidence takes another hit. There is only one way to overcome fear, it’s to feel the fear and do it anyway. Over time, doing what you fear will allow you to one day laugh at the imaginary fears that have kept you from becoming all that you can be.

Get started by establishing some goals. Prioritize. Measure your progress. Ask friends and office mates for feedback. Adjust your goals if necessary. Reward yourself when you finish jobs.

Being proactive, instead of reactive, and overcoming your procrastination will decrease your stress. It will also give you more time to spend it where you want to: not worrying about what you’re afraid to do.

Share and Enjoy:
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • LinkedIn
  • Add to favorites
  • email
  • Print
  • PDF
  • Technorati
  • Digg
  • Google Buzz
  • del.icio.us
  • Google Bookmarks
  • StumbleUpon

Success Tip – How a Positive Attitude Can Help You Overcome Procrastination, Third of Ten Articles

The following quiz will help you identify areas where a negative attitude has been keeping you from taking charge of your life. Answer “yes” to the statements that describe you.

1. I get discouraged when I think about all the problems I have.
2. I often wonder why my life is not as rewarding as it could be; many people around me seem to be living more satisfying lives than I am.
3. I have trouble focusing on my goals; I’m easily distracted at work.
4. I tend to put off getting started on projects because I’m always thinking about the things that can go wrong.

If you answered “yes” to any of the above statements, make a commitment to start improving your attitude immediately. Wondering how to do that? Read motivational books, listen to inspirational recordings, and associate with positive thinkers.

We are chiefly responsible for our feelings. While we can’t always control what happens, what we can control is our reaction, and this in turn impacts the outcome. Don’t let a negative attitude stand in the way of your happiness. And never, ever make an important decision when you’re feeling down.

The following tips can help you improve your attitude and overcome procrastination:
- Focus on the solution, rather than the problem. The more you focus on your problems, the more discouraged you’re likely to feel. Procrastinators tend to focus on all the reasons not to move forward, instead of focusing on the goal they want to achieve.
- Give your full attention to whatever you’re doing. When you concentrate on the things that can go wrong, you can’t stay focused on the job you’re doing. Failure is the inevitable consequence of a lack of focus.
- Don’t focus on all the things that can go wrong. Focusing on the hazards involved in trying to do something will almost always convince you to give up before you start.

This advice doesn’t mean you should throw caution to the wind. It’s enough to know what the dangers are, be prepared to respond to them, and then move ahead with the project-confident in your ability to handle whatever comes up.

People who dwell on all the things that could go wrong never get anything done. Productive people have learned to focus on the opportunities. By concentrating on the benefits of successfully completing a project, you will have won a major battle in the war against procrastination.

Share and Enjoy:
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • LinkedIn
  • Add to favorites
  • email
  • Print
  • PDF
  • Technorati
  • Digg
  • Google Buzz
  • del.icio.us
  • Google Bookmarks
  • StumbleUpon

Becoming Successful – Knowledge Alone Isn’t Enough

A popular saying tells us that knowledge is power. That’s not entirely true. Knowledge alone doesn’t translate into power. Making the decision to act and then acting with that knowledge is the key to personal power.

As Goethe said in his famous quote, “Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back– Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.”

The prestige of the schools you’ve attended, the number of books you’ve read about success, the social and business standing of your circle of friends and acquaintances means nothing to your chances of success if you don’t hold a vision of what you want in your mind and decide to take the necessary steps towards creating that vision.

Often, because of our fear about leaving our comfort zone and moving forward we tell ourselves that we need to get more information; we need to do more evaluating, before we act. There’s no doubt that there are times when this is true. But sometimes what we’re really suffering from is analysis paralysis; just a cover for not taking the steps we need to take because we are afraid.

The first step to take in increasing your potential for success is deciding to be successful; then defining what that looks like for you. Most of us say we want to be successful, but have no idea what that looks like for us. The most important question you can ask yourself is. “What does success mean to me?” It’s different for all of us, depending on what we value most in our life. For some it’s more freedom, more money, for others it’s living life on your own terms. Focus your attention on where you want to be six months from now, a year, five years. Don’t focus on where you are now.

Desire alone will not help you become successful; in fact, many people mistake desire with decision. Longing for something is not enough. Make the decision, see it in your mind’s eye and then take correct action.

Visualizing your arrival before you get there sets up a chain of events required to get there. Obstacles disappear, solutions appear, and answers are there when you need them. Wonder why?

Deciding creates a mindset, a mindset for success. The correct mindset will help you make stunning advancements and quantum leaps instead of incremental gains.Almost magically, once you’ve decided to be successful and what success looks like for you, the how will show up.

If you’re like most of my coaching clients, once you’ve decided on a goal your monkey mind will begin running a mile a minute trying to figure out the how. As I touched on earlier, forget about the how, that will come later. More important is the decision about where you’re headed. Both you and the world change when you decide what it is that you want.

Your success is determined by you and the kind of decisions you make, your beliefs, and your behaviours. If you want to become successful, you must have the mindset of a successful person. It’s as simple as that.

You have the potential and resources to have anything you want; all that’s missing is your firm, unshakeable decision to have it. Despite popular belief, your success is something that you’ve kept from happening; it’s not something that you need to struggle to make happen. The key is not to let mind chatter, fear, doubt or anything else stop you. Decide, have a vision, a success mindset and then start taking action. You’ll be surprised at the things you can create once you’ve decided to be successful.

Share and Enjoy:
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • LinkedIn
  • Add to favorites
  • email
  • Print
  • PDF
  • Technorati
  • Digg
  • Google Buzz
  • del.icio.us
  • Google Bookmarks
  • StumbleUpon

Successful Small Businesses Know That Self Care is Essential

Most coaching clients who are in business for themselves come to coaching because they have goals they need help achieving. These goals can include increasing sales, income, or efficiency; becoming better at time management, or creating better work life balance. All laudable goals, to be sure and worthy of their attention.

But regardless of the tenacity, determination and ability of the client, if they try to accomplish their own personal Everest without a firm footing at base camp, their particular journey on the road to the top will probably take longer and have more detours than they had originally imagined.

Wonder why? In this world of instant and constant connectedness, with Blackberries, cell phones and computers making being out of contact virtually impossible (pun intended), many small business owners are run ragged. They find themselves reacting to everyone else’s agenda, instead of setting their own.

For example, there’s the young realtor who answers every call on their cell phone, regardless of where they are or what they are doing. Their more seasoned counterparts look on bemused, wondering how long it will take these young Turks to learn the importance of screening their calls, putting their phones on vibrate, or better yet, giving out the office’s phone number instead of their own.

Many small business owners believe they are so pressed for time that they can’t take an hour to go to the doctor, for a growing cyst that might be cancerous. Others believe that their customer’s emergency — due to poor planning on their customer’s part — is now theirs as they run around trying to solve a problem they didn’t create. And still others insist that their families are their priority while a closer examination using time as the measurement shows that this just isn’t the case.

For these small business owners, extreme self care is the first step in wrestling back control of their lives, before they start the climb up their personal Everest. Too busy reacting to others agendas instead of their own, demonstrating little or no ability to say no, and no tangible evidence of any respect for their own boundaries, they are usually exhausted before they even beginning trying to make the climb. Before starting such a journey, it helps to be healthy, centered, focused, energetic and surrounded by people and environments that will support them and not deter them.

That’s where self care comes in.

  • The first step I recommend if you’re in a similar situation is simplifying your life. Create an absolute yes list and put the rest of your activities on hold. This can be very difficult to do, for a variety of reasons. First, the people around you won’t like it when you draw back and stop doing what they currently depend on you to do. But it’s essential, because if you don’t, you’ll be too busy to practice self care.
  • The second thing I recommend is to begin putting yourself first, instead of second, third, fourth, fifth and last. While some might see this as extreme, many people won’t practice self care to the level it should be practiced unless they are given permission to do so.
  • Once they become better at working their “no,” muscle, at naming, sticking to and enforcing personal boundaries, then and only then can they take the third step in self care, which is getting nourished. This can come from a variety of sources: friends, family, food, activities, exercise, and home and work environments.

After business owners and entrepreneurs take these three steps, their chances of reaching their personal Everest increase dramatically, often with fewer detours and surprises. That’s not to say that there won’t be any surprises, because no one can control all the forces around us, be it weather, other climbers, or something else. If my past experience is any indicator, I know that as some of you read this, you’re thinking that you don’t have time to practice self care. Your goal is so important that it can’t wait.

But ask any successful business owner or climber and they’ll confirm that it takes longer to reach a goal if you haven’t done everything that’s demanded at base camp. The smartest thing you can do is take the metaview, look at the big picture, by taking a step back. An added bonus of doing so is that your life will be more balanced, you’ll have more room for the things you really want in your life and you’ll feel a lot better when you do begin working on your goal.

Once you begin looking after yourself, it will be hard to go back to what you now see was a crazy, out of control life. It really is all about the journey and not the destination, because what’s the point of reaching Everest if the trip, even up to base camp, leaves you exhausted and spent? And equally as important, if you do manage to get there, but feel worn out from it all, how much energy will you have for celebrating the momentous event? And as leaders in the human potential field tell us; stopping to celebrate and acknowledge our victory is imperative, as doing so psychologically spurs us on to even bigger and better things.

Business owners and entrepreneurs who practice self care by exercising, eating well and getting enough sleep find that they get more done than their counterparts who work longer hours, eat lunch off the sides of their desks and keep insane hours. Practicing these steps will increase the chances that you’re around to enjoy your business over the long haul.

Share and Enjoy:
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • LinkedIn
  • Add to favorites
  • email
  • Print
  • PDF
  • Technorati
  • Digg
  • Google Buzz
  • del.icio.us
  • Google Bookmarks
  • StumbleUpon

Success Tip – How Your “Community,” Influences You

Have you ever given much thought to who you’re hanging out with and how “your tribe,” influences you? Well if you haven’t, you should, because according to an article in Success Magazine, a highly researched topic tells us that your friends’ behavior is contagious.

“Everything including obesity, divorce and smoking spreads like a virus. An ongoing, multi-decade research project proves the extent that our friends’ behavior affects our own. The Framingham Heart Study began in 1948 with people in Framingham, Mass. To date, the data collected on some 12,000 participants has yielded some startling results. Check this out:

•If someone you name as a friend gets divorced, you are 147 percent more likely to get divorced than if you didn’t have a friend who got divorced.
•If a friend becomes obese, the likelihood that you will follow suit increases by 171 percent.

What are the implications for you? Well there’s a saying that if you want to find out why your life is the way it is, look at the five most influential people in it. Your life will be a reflection of their influence.

“Negative nellies,” as I call them drag you down and make you think of limitations instead of possibilities. Positive people will lift you up and help you turn problems into possibilities.

Check out Success Magazine for more details on this fascinating phenomena.

Share and Enjoy:
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • LinkedIn
  • Add to favorites
  • email
  • Print
  • PDF
  • Technorati
  • Digg
  • Google Buzz
  • del.icio.us
  • Google Bookmarks
  • StumbleUpon

A Success Tip About Authenticity

Have you ever considered that your level of authenticity may be impacting your success? Judy Garland got it right when she said, it’s always better to be a first rate version of yourself, rather than a second rate version of someone else.

Not only is it better, but given that human beings are really animals – the two legged and not the four – we all have the ability to sense when something’s not quite right, when someone’s not being authentic. It’s called our animal instinct. When other people feel that we’re being inauthentic, that there’s something not just right, it’s harder for them to place their trust in us, for any reason, regardless of what we say. If we’re the person in question, this in turn can impact us financially, socially, or vocationally.

A couple of years ago I was co-leading a workshop with a colleague. It was an interesting mix. As one participant remarked, we sure were a study in contrasts, adding that interestingly enough the combination worked. I believe it worked because we were true to ourselves, reveled in our differences and didn’t try to be more similar than dissimilar. My co-presenter, a whimsical, angelic like person, sprinkled some of her fairy dust onto me. And she benefitted from my organizational abilities and focus, which kept us on time and on point.

During our workshop, my whimsical co-leader put on a tiara and waved a musical magic wand, which she pulled off with a lot of panache. It added a lot of levity to our workshop. Had I done the same thing, I would have looked ridiculous and felt uncomfortable. My discomfort would have been noticed by the workshop participants, who would have felt intuitively that something was off.

The world needs each and every one of our gifts and attributes, which only we can bring. It’s the differences that add the spice and the flavour to life. Wouldn’t it be a bore if all there was to eat was Chinese? Each of us has a unique style and to create the best “dish,” we must follow our own unique recipe. For example, wouldn’t Julia Child have looked inauthentic and ridiculous acting like Gordon Ramsay of Hell’s Kitchen fame, swearing and cursing around the kitchen? But it works for Ramsay, if the numbers of his TV viewers are any indication.

Some things you might want to consider when reclaiming your authenticity on the road to enhancing your success:

  • Look at the roles you play in your life, be it employee, parent, sibling, spouse, partner or friend. For each role, rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 as to how authentically “you,” are showing up for each role.
  • Next, look at what it is costing you, if anything, emotionally, physically, spiritually and/or mentally to be someone or something you are not.
  • If there is a cost, over the next week, dump the role and step up as your authentic self.
  • Then compare the personal impact/results of being your authentic and inauthentic selves.
  • Lastly, choose how you will act from this moment forward in that particular role, using your emotional, spiritual, mental and physical selves as your measuring stick.

There’s a familiar adage in marketing that says people like to do business with people they like, know and trust. There’s no better way to get people to like you than to be your authentic self. And don’t take it personally if some people don’t like your “flavor.” Some people like chocolate ice cream and others raspberry ripple. The people that don’t like your particular “flavor,” were never your customers or part of your tribe anyway.

Share and Enjoy:
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • LinkedIn
  • Add to favorites
  • email
  • Print
  • PDF
  • Technorati
  • Digg
  • Google Buzz
  • del.icio.us
  • Google Bookmarks
  • StumbleUpon

Books On Success That Will Help You Become More Successful

Are you a bibliophile like I am? My upstairs is more like a library than a bedroom, with books, books, books scattered everywhere.

As a coach/journalist, I often get asked for book recommendations from my clients and students. It’s a great question, because in the What Successful People Know Success Summit, held Nov. 1-5, one of the things all the presenters said was that successful people are life-long learners.

So if you’re interested in not having to learn the hard way – through personal experience – how to become more successful, then check out (pun intended) these two books from your library or local bookstore and learn how other people did it.

More books you must read, in the weeks to come:

Today’s recommendations include:

The Success Principles, by Jack Canfield. If you love Jack Canfield, and who doesn’t, you’ll love this book. As someone who will leave an incredible legacy behind him – think Chicken Soup For the Soul series – this book ranks right up there as Jack’s greatest work.

If there’s anyone qualified to write a self-help book on success, it’s Jack Canfield, who’s worked his way from scraping by as a teacher to holding a Guinness world record for having seven books simultaneously on The New York Times® Best Sellers list.

As a coauthor of the Chicken Soup for the Soul® series, he’s sold more than 80 million books, and now lives “in a beautiful California estate” with his days of dining on spaghetti and tomato paste long behind him. “All you have to do is decide what it is you want, believe you deserve it, and practice the principles in this book,” he says, and success is yours.

His advice is straightforward (examples: “reject rejection” and “surround yourself with successful people”), but rather derivative, with quotes from the likes of JFK, Colin Powell, Aldous Huxley, and fellow motivation author Napoleon Hill.

My second recommendation is The Big Leap, by Gay Hendricks. It stresses coming to a fundamental realization that will help you better yourself. In this case, the central hidden realization we can come to is that when we begin to enjoy great success in some area of our lives, we tend to create problems in that or another area of our lives.

We do this because we hit our “upper limit” of happiness, financial success, joy in a relationship, or any of a number of other things, and this upper limit causes us to unconsciously sabotage ourselves or even make ourselves ill. Dr. Hendricks explains that we may have one or more of four hidden barriers that activate our upper limit self-sabotage.

The four hidden barriers are caused by: 1 – feeling fundamentally flawed, 2 – disloyalty and abandonment issues, 3 – believing that more success brings a bigger burden, and 4 – the perceived crime of outshining. When we learn to break through our barrier, we can move into the zone of genius (assuming that we’ve already been in the zone of excellence).

Share and Enjoy:
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • LinkedIn
  • Add to favorites
  • email
  • Print
  • PDF
  • Technorati
  • Digg
  • Google Buzz
  • del.icio.us
  • Google Bookmarks
  • StumbleUpon