Not all of us were lucky enough to be brought up by a Mother who said to us, “Barack, you’re such a bright little boy, that someday I’m sure you’re going to be president of the United States. And not only that, I believe you’re going to win the Nobel Prize.”

It’s far more common – and I’m not bashing parents here – for our parents to pass on their limitations to us. Theirs were passed onto them by their well meaning parents, who were given them by their parents and so on and so on.

One of the more important determinants of success is the story you’re telling yourself about yourself. The way to make improvements here is to start monitoring your thoughts, by listening to what you telling yourself about yourself.

Dr. Daniel Amen, a well-known brain scientist and psychiatrist, who is often seen on PBS and has written Making a Good Brain Great, Change Your Brain Change Your Life and Magnificent Mind At Any Age says that researchers tell us we think about 60,000 thoughts a day. And here’s the important part: most of them are repetitive in nature.

Dr. Amen also tells us that our internal thoughts and conversations, unless we’re very, very aware of the power of our thoughts, are similar if not identical to the ones we were fed by our parents, teachers and the other influential people in our lives as we were growing up. Most of us incorporated their beliefs about ourselves, whether they were right or not.

How many years ago did you define yourself with limitations that you still believe today, what you could and couldn’t do? (As Dr. Amen says, these beliefs are usually chosen in our youth.) With any limitation that you believe about yourself, ask yourself two simple questions: “When did I decide this about myself and can I be absolutely certain that it’s true?”

This is important, because the way we think, the emotions we feel, the choices we make, are based on our definition about our self, which translates into our self esteem. All actions we take are consistent with who we believe ourselves to be. There is a strong force within us that maintains the status quo of who we believe ourselves to be. If your self esteem isn’t what you want it to be, there’s good news, you can always update and change your story about yourself. To change your life, change your story, it’s all about changing your inner game.

This improvement in self esteem can snowball and in no time at all life can look very, very different. As you start to change your identity, which is based on the stories you tell yourself about yourself, your world will change. Suddenly, you, a self-described wallflower may find yourself giving a toast to the bride. Or leading a workshop.

In addition to new opportunities, another side effect of this inner change is that your “tribe,” may change too. Your new found confidence will make you more attractive to more people. The down side is that there’s a possibility that some of your “peeps,” won’t like the new you. But if your existing friends don’t like the more empowered, the more self confident you, then were they really your friends?

Happiness doesn’t come from what we can buy, or what we can get, despite what our consumer culture tells us. Happiness comes from who we become. To expedite improving your self esteem and success, start listening to the limiting stories you’re telling yourself about yourself and make up some new stories.

Why? Because at its core, success comes down to communication – most importantly how we communicate to ourselves and then with others.